I've been having a hard week, for no particular reason. It's just been one of those weeks where I haven't had enough sleep, and don't have enough time to get everything done. It's also been a week of thinking: what in the world am I doing with myself?
Don't get me wrong; I have a REALLY REALLY good life. I've got a super-fantastic husband, tremendous friends, a good job, my family is healthy, and the list goes on.
I actually attribute it to the luxury of having a good life that I can even wonder what I'm doing with myself. I mean, it's not like I'm worrying where my next meal is coming from or anything.
There's actually a name for this exercise, but I'm going to call it the "What if" game. It was something I was taught when I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder. When you start to panic about something, you ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen...and if that happens, then what's the worst that can happen, and so on. It breaks the situation down into the tiniest piece, but it also give the panicer permission to hyper-focus on what it is. And inevitably, you will almost always get to a point where nothing (or some equivalent)is what is going to happen.
So what I've actually been doing is a variation of that game. I've been trying to figure out what's changed that's made this week harder. And I've narrowed it down to two things: watching movies and grocery shopping during the week.
Seriously. When I lived in Oregon, and my life was easier (news flash: being married isn't easy, even when your husband is as easy to live with as mine is) (second news flash: having a roommate who cooks always makes everything easier), we did the grocery shopping on Saturdays. Saturday afternoons in particular, which is just about the worst time of the week to go to the grocery store, but it was also when my roommate and I were both available to go, and inevitably if we went separately, we'd both get the same things and we'd end up with 197 rolls of Costco toilet paper. Your average apartment cannot store 197 rolls of toilet paper. The thing is, I didn't really mind grocery shopping on Saturday. No, I don't like the crowds, and it took a lot longer than doing it on a weekday, but somehow it was easier. I'm pretty sure it was because I wasn't thinking...I have to get home...do the laundry...pack lunch for tomorrow...pack the gym bag...etc. Because it wasn't a work night.
I used to think that I didn't go grocery shopping on Saturdays anymore because I was now spending my Saturdays with my husband. And in fact, I did spend this Saturday with him. But because of his work schedule and our different interests, we really don't spend our Saturdays together. So, it's not a reason to not go grocery shopping on Saturdays.
Now that we can record TV, I watch a lot more of it than I used to. I also rent a lot more movies from the library. I've recently discovered that I don't mind stopping a movie in the middle if it's bedtime, but somehow I haven't applied that logic to a TV show. I'm also trying to limit the number of shows I'm recording, but that's really hard because just about EVERYTHING on NatGeo is interesting!
So I haven't actually rectified the situation, but at least I have some ideas as to why I'm so tired!