I was at a funeral the other day...see, it already starts off like an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm.
The thing about Curb your Enthusiasm, is that sometimes I find it hysterically funny, and other times I think it's too painful to watch and so I just cringe.
So, at this funeral the other day, I saw a friend from high school who has adopted two little boys. She adopted them on separate occasions, but they're both three and are 10 months apart. I commented to her that she looked great and that two three-year-olds sounded like a sleepless handful to me. She quickly countered, so you're saying I don't look nearly as bad as you thought I would? The trouble with quick, smart friends is that they pick up on stuff like that. If all of my friends were as dim-witted as I am, no one would realize how uncouth I am. Of course, they also wouldn't know what uncouth means.
Meanwhile, while hiding from said high school friend so as not to further embarrass myself, I stumbled upon an ex-boyfriend of a friend of mine. Fortunately, the ex and my friend are still in good standing. Unfortunately, I didn't know how else to introduce him other than as the person my friend dated before meeting her husband, which would have been fine had there been no one for me to introduce him to, but as it happens, my mom walked over at that moment, and while she's met the person many times, it was quite a while ago. So of course, this clumsy introduction waddles off my tongue before I can stop it. Which is really unfortunate as this guy is actually 100% wonderful, just he and my friend didn't work out. We all had a good laugh about it, but I'm sure he was thinking, Virginia is such as ass...why does [insert name of friend here] still hang out with her?
Evidently, as I have friends, I clearly have redeeming qualities of some sort. Just none of them* make appearances at funerals.
*them being my redeeming qualities, not my friends.