Saturday, February 4, 2012

Vermouth tastes like ass

I just spent the better part of the afternoon trying to figure out a drink with vermouth in it that I like.

Somehow Captain America and I have a bottle of the stuff in the house.  And it's open, otherwise I'd re-gift it.  And no, I'm not drunk blogging.  I didn't actually drink that much vermouth, because as I've already noted, it tastes like ass.

First, I looked up a number of vermouth recipes online.  There are tons of recipes that call for vermouth.  I selected a handful that either didn't require any ingredients we didn't already own, or called for ingredients that we would use anyway.

Then, on my walking tour of chores...I had to mail a letter, go to the bank, and return a DVD to the library, I went to the grocery store to buy said ingredients.  I was walking because I wasn't feeling motivated to either go to the gym or to go for a run, and figured this would at least get me out of the house.  Also, it was a nice day out, and I was able to try out some new sunscreen my mom gave me that's supposed to be matte.  How's that for multitasking?

So I returned from the store and set about making a Cosmo.  I like martinis, and although the Cosmo isn't my fave (that would be a lemon drop), I figured this would be a good place to start.  I didn't know that cosmos called for vermouth, but I had never tried to make one before, so what did I know?

I just did a quick google search of Cosmo recipes, and what do you know?  Not a single one called for vermouth.  And there's a good reason for that...cosmos with vermouth taste like cranberry ass.

Next, I tried something called Country Club Cooler #1.  This called for vermouth, grenadine, and carbonated water.  This sounded fun.  Sparkling pink drinks always win points with me.  The first go-around of this one, I added too much grenadine.  It didn't taste quite right to me, so I carefully measured the grenadine for take two.  As it turns out, the grenadine was not to blame.  Country Club Cooler #1 tastes like carbonated pink ass.

Finally, I made something called the Christmas Tini, which contained vodka, vermouth, and peppermint schnapps.  I am not a huge peppermint schnapps fan, so this recipe was a little iffy to begin with.  And the result?  Minty ass.  Seriously, it's as if Orbit made crappy alcohol.


  1. Um, are you sure you're not drunk blogging? Because your, um, vocabulary isn't really up to your usual standard in this post. ;) That said, I laughed my ass off several times while reading this ... what about cooking with the vermouth? Epicurious seems to like it with tarragon and with pork.

  2. I hadn't even thought of cooking with it! And no, I promise I was not drunk blogging. Although I'd hate to ruin an entire meal if I still thought the vermouth made it taste like ass. And I'm trying to be a vegetarian, remember? So pork's out. My vermouth both smelled and tasted like nail polish remover. Or paint thinner. Maybe our bottle had gone off.

  3. But, you'd be proud of me. For dinner tonight, I made what I'll loosly call immitation tandoori. But I used lots of spices!