Vermouth tastes like ass

I just spent the better part of the afternoon trying to figure out a drink with vermouth in it that I like.

Somehow Captain America and I have a bottle of the stuff in the house.  And it's open, otherwise I'd re-gift it.  And no, I'm not drunk blogging.  I didn't actually drink that much vermouth, because as I've already noted, it tastes like ass.

First, I looked up a number of vermouth recipes online.  There are tons of recipes that call for vermouth.  I selected a handful that either didn't require any ingredients we didn't already own, or called for ingredients that we would use anyway.

Then, on my walking tour of chores...I had to mail a letter, go to the bank, and return a DVD to the library, I went to the grocery store to buy said ingredients.  I was walking because I wasn't feeling motivated to either go to the gym or to go for a run, and figured this would at least get me out of the house.  Also, it was a nice day out, and I was able to try out some new sunscreen my mom gave me that's supposed to be matte.  How's that for multitasking?

So I returned from the store and set about making a Cosmo.  I like martinis, and although the Cosmo isn't my fave (that would be a lemon drop), I figured this would be a good place to start.  I didn't know that cosmos called for vermouth, but I had never tried to make one before, so what did I know?

I just did a quick google search of Cosmo recipes, and what do you know?  Not a single one called for vermouth.  And there's a good reason for that...cosmos with vermouth taste like cranberry ass.

Next, I tried something called Country Club Cooler #1.  This called for vermouth, grenadine, and carbonated water.  This sounded fun.  Sparkling pink drinks always win points with me.  The first go-around of this one, I added too much grenadine.  It didn't taste quite right to me, so I carefully measured the grenadine for take two.  As it turns out, the grenadine was not to blame.  Country Club Cooler #1 tastes like carbonated pink ass.

Finally, I made something called the Christmas Tini, which contained vodka, vermouth, and peppermint schnapps.  I am not a huge peppermint schnapps fan, so this recipe was a little iffy to begin with.  And the result?  Minty ass.  Seriously, it's as if Orbit made crappy alcohol.